As much as I hate to admit it, I’m human.
I relied on a routine for years and it was great for my mental, physical, and emotional health, not just my body. When I moved to a completely new geographic region, my routine got completely messed up, I didn’t have access to a gym or a kitchen, and I found myself falling back into some bad habits- my workouts were sporadic as was my food prep and healthy eating plan.
I knew I would get a little messed up, but I just thought that I would be able to get right back at it, but that just hasn’t been so. My good habits were developed over a period of time, so were they lost over a- surprisingly short– period of time. I find myself having to struggle to reestablish those good habits again.
My family is normally very supportive of my goals, but they are having their own adjustment problems. My husband is working extra hours to become familiar with the people and procedures of a new site. My daughter has made some friends, but she is used to being able to get along with everyone and that’s not happening here. One little boy even calls her and “alien” because of her Texas accent. My son’s speech delay has made him very shy in his new classroom and he hasn’t been able to make very many friends either. He does say he has “girlfriends” though. I told him, “Girlfriends?!? I don’t think you know how this works. You’re only supposed to have one.” He smiled his crooked little smile and said, “You Mommy!” I may be in for trouble with him.
Moving has definitely been rough on everyone. But just when I start to feel sorry for myself and worry about my kids and their “moving pains,” my daughter will come home from school and say that she made a new friend. She’ll go on to tell me about the other girl that she sat next to at lunch that also got called and “alien” because of her accent.
D: “She moved from somewhere near India, mom, I think it starts with a P.”
D: “Yes! That’s it! She said she moved here because there were too many bombings close to where she used to live. Is that true? Does that really happen?”
Me: “Yes, sweetheart, unfortunately it does.”
I suddenly feel so grateful to be right where I am, in a place where my little girl has a hard time believing that anyone lives close to bombings. And I feel silly for worrying about such little things.
Then I start to think about everything that I have to be grateful for. Even though I have dealt with some minor health problems, a minor surgery (unrelated to the health problems), and a move since I competed last May, I have had many good things happen as well.
I used to be really hard on myself when I gained post-competition weight. I would look at myself in my current condition and compare it to pictures of myself on stage and think, “Ugh, what did I do to myself.” It wasn’t a healthy view point as I am not someone that can stay close to stage ready with any semblance of sanity. But it was just an outward reminder of my inner imperfections, and I just couldn’t cut myself any slack for those.
But the past few months I’ve had to. Thyroid and adrenal issues forced me to have to relax. Genetic testing helped me see certain issues that I was predisposed to- stomach problems, certain autoimmune conditions, and neurotransmitter imbalances (causing depression and anxiety)- so that I could stay in front of them. Small scars from a minor surgery (right on my abs!!!) have made me appreciate all that my body has done and still can do. Moving has forced me to get out of my routine and my comfort zone- and that’s where the growth happens.
Yes, sometimes we get knocked down- and have to get right back up. Sometimes stuff doesn’t go exactly as planned. It is okay if we don’t look like we’ve been photo shopped all the time- or at all for that matter. As a side note to that, I’ve been working on building up my glutes for a while and I’m finally starting to see some results. Even though they’re covered in some extra fat and even…gasp…cellulite…I find myself checking out my ass in the mirror and thinking, “hmm, that’s pretty awesome.” And I find myself looking forward to seeing the finished product at my next competition.
I took these check-in pictures for my coach at the beginning of January.
I had some unrealistic expectations for myself at that time and I was hard on myself when I wasn’t able to just jump right back in. I didn’t give myself permission to do baby steps. In typical me style, if I couldn’t do it perfect, I wouldn’t do it at all. Crazy, huh?!?
So my second pictures were taken just this week.
The only progress that was made was in my attitude. I am letting go of my need to be perfect and I’m just enjoying the process of getting back to the stage. I am accepting myself and the fact that I won’t always look like this:
I’m about 17 weeks out from the upcoming Fitness Universe competition in June in Ft. Lauderdale. I have wanted to do this competition for a while but every year something has come up to make me unable to do it. I hope you’ll join me as I get back to the stage this year, and don’t take myself too seriously while doing it.
This year is my year- in more ways than one.
As my parting thought I wanted to share a song and video with you that has kind of become my theme song the past few months. It’s called Try by Colbie Caillat
Questions? Comments? Please let me know.